Endings and Beginnings

This time last year, I remember walking around in the downtown sun listening to Taylor Swift’s “Fearless” on repeat (don’t laugh), on route to the Green Beanery for a cup of coffee and a place to study.

“Cause I don’t know how it gets better than this,
you take my hand and drag me headfirst, fearless”

And that’s exactly how I felt. Everything was finally falling into place. Dad was making a lot of progress, volunteering with the Canadian Cancer Society, attending programs at Toronto Rehab, and going to meetings with The Rotary Club. Mom went back to work, starting a new job, and thus restoring a sort of independence to my Dad at home. Dana had just graduated, planning on taking the year off from school to complete grad school applications and working full-time for the university. I was enrolled in two summer school courses, scheduled to be working in two physiotherapy clinics, and I had just finished a successful academic and athletic year. And Wallace? Well he was doing well too, condominium-broken and finally allowed to roam around without fear of “accidents”.

Although we completed the ride last weekend, I’ve had a hard time starting this entry because I know that it will be my last one. This blog has served its purpose - it gave us direction. It allowed us to live in the moment. It allowed us to share our Dad’s story with the universe. It allowed us to digest deterioration, death, and the feelings we associated with each. Finally, it gave us an outlet - a place where we could transform our negative experiences into a positive and productive one through facing our own challenge - this ride.

The ride itself was difficult. As a person with back injuries galore (I have another specialist appointment next week and am still sitting on that surgery verdict), it probably wasn’t probably the best or brightest idea I’ve ever had either. Yes, I fell off of my bike while standing still again. Yes, someone cut-off Andrew and knocked him off his bike. Yes, I cut my leg open and it started bleeding everywhere. Yes, my shoe irritated my achilles tendon and I had to get it wrapped by medical. Yes, I destroyed my left knee around the 130KM mark (and yes, it is still hurting today). Yes, Dana and I were guilty of walking up a hill (or two) when we couldn’t get all the way up it. Yes, my back hurt A LOT through all 220KM, and yes, so did Andrew’s after he got knocked off his bike. Yes, bruises. Yes, residual soreness. Yes, my bum hurts. Yes, mechanical issues (Matt’s chain falling off, Andrew’s speaker thing falling off, Dana’s gears changing on their own). But you know what? We still did it.

I expected physical pain - sore quads, hamstrings, bum. None of that was all that bad. However, the back, knee, and ankle pain did make me question whether or not I would need to use the sweep van or whether or not I would be even able to complete the ride. As much as the ride is viewed as a physical challenge (i.e., after day one we not-so-jokingly contemplated ways to get out of riding the full distance), it proved to be a mental challenge as well. Maybe I am crazy, but as much pain as I was in, the thought of not being able to finish because of injury scared me and pushed me to keep going. Even though I was lagging behind the team, grimacing, eyes watering, and popping drugs at every medical stop, I knew that although the distance might hurt me, it wouldn’t ruin me. They are right, anyone can do this, but might I add only if they have it in their minds and hearts.

Thank you all for sharing this journey with us.
If you would like to see pictures of our ride, please visit the following links:

Team Hendy's Photo Album

Official Ride Photos

Though our 2010 Ride to Conquer Cancer comes to a close, the ride of ups and downs that started eight months ago when my Dad was declared palliative continues on. From a book on our coffee table that my Dad could be seen reading, Gerry Pencer (whose legacy lives on in the Gerry and Nancy Pencer Brain Tumor Centre at Princess Margaret where my Dad received treatment) called his experience with cancer the “ride of [his] life”. Cancer is the ride that started our ride, and we will never forget it.

Always thinking of you Dad.
Happy Father’s Day.

Love,
Stacey

Why I Ride: A Conclusion

In the span of less than a year, my life has changed dramatically. Almost eight months ago, our family found out that my dad's brain tumors had come back, and he was immediately placed in palliative care. About seven months ago, Stacey and I decided to sign up for the Ride to Conquer Cancer, an epic cycling journey from Toronto to Niagara Falls. Six months ago, on December 28th, 2009, dad passed away, his family by his side.

Anyone who knows me knows that I don't like change. I like routine, I like predictability, I like scheduling things well in advance, and I don't find any of it particularly boring; rather, I find the stability comforting. So you can imagine how lost I found myself when everything started to change in the most horrible way. Yes, I had family and friends to grasp onto, but it was the Ride that kept me going. The Ride gave me focus, it gave me a goal, and most importantly, it gave me something to do that was much bigger than myself. It also gave me and my fellow teammates an opportunity to raise money for a significant cause. In total, and with your support, Team Hendy raised $14 390.00 for the Campbell Family Institute at The Princess Margaret. This past weekend, 4108 riders each rode over 200km and raised 16.1 million dollars in the process. Look at what strength in numbers can do!

I won't give you a play-by-play (pedal stroke-by-pedal stroke?) recap of our weekend, but I will say that it was the best experience of my life.

At times it was challenging:

Dana: I CAN'T DO THIS HILL!
Matt: Yes, you can!
Dana: NO, I CAN'T! I'M WALKING UP IT!
Matt: You can do it!
Dana: *grumble*grumble*grumble*ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH (I'm pretty sure I actually yelled this at points...this is the sound that accompanies furious pedaling)!!!!!!!

At times it was relaxing:

Dana: Guys, we've been resting at this pit stop for an hour and a half...

At times it was painful:

Fig. 1. Stacey's aching tendon. Note: she also had an aching back.

Fig. 2. Stacey's bloody leg.

At times it was thrilling:

Dana: Matt, what was your top speed on the downhill?
Matt: 58.6 km/h!

At times it was exhausting:

*Day 1, 9:30pm*
Stacey: Guys, I can't play cards anymore. It's too mentally taxing. Let's go to bed.

But at ALL times, it was inspiring. There were riders of all ages (well, 16+) and skill levels, from recreational bikers to road warriors. There were also many cancer survivors participating in the ride. Not only did they beat cancer, but they showed it just how strong they are and how resolved they are to fight for a cure.

Throughout these past months, I've found out just how strong I am, too, and not just physically. Mentally, emotionally, the Hendersons are tough cookies. Immediately after completing the ride, my mom sent me this text: "CONGRATS TO EVERYONE. Job well done. Dad would have been so proud. No such thing as a Henderson quitter." And she's right. Stace and I are young, we're healthy, and we have learned so many lessons with so many more to learn and to pass on. And we're going to keep driving forward because that's what dad would have wanted. Both Stace and I would like to do the Ride again, but it's tough to say where we're going to be this time next year. Regardless of our whereabouts, we'll find a way to contribute through donations and volunteering.

On the drive back to Toronto, Andrew's dad mentioned something interesting about how it's more difficult to raise money for big organizations and fundraisers like this. I think it's because people don't have a sense of personal responsibility. People just assume other people will donate and that researchers will keep working on finding cures, but that's something we really can't bank on. Moreover, fear-based campaigns don't seem to scare some individuals into action, especially when the consequences aren't imminent. And you know what? This is a hugely flawed line of reasoning because the facts are very clear: In 2010, an estimated 173 800 new cases of cancer will be diagnosed and 76 200 cancer deaths will occur. 3200 Canadians will be diagnosed with cancer each week. 1 in 3 Canadians will fight cancer in their lifetime, and current mortality rates indicate that 1 out of every 4 Canadians will die of cancer.

So here's the thing: my story, this story, the one that we've been documenting for the last seven months? It's not unique. Not by a long shot. This story is also your story. Maybe it already is or maybe it is still to come, but cancer is something we all live with. And after seeing what it did to my dad, I just wish more than anything that this wasn't the case. This may be the end of the road for this blog, but I hope its messages come across clearly. Please continue to fight against cancer with us. Please enjoy the time you spend with the people you love, and let them know that you love them. Because that's why we ride, so that we can have more moments with our loved ones.

From Team Hendy to you, thanks for reading, and thanks for supporting us.

Lots of love,

Dana

One more sleep (or not)

It's almost here! Tonight, Stace and I prepped our bikes with the necessary signs, attached a VERY necessary extra water bottle holder, and dropped the bikes off at our starting point. Looking around the CNE grounds, we saw at least a thousand bikes of all different shapes and sizes. Some were really intense-looking road bikes, some beat-up mountain bikes, and I even saw one Dutch-style bicycle - basket and all. While I am still terrified (and thus may not get any sleep tonight), it was nice to physically see evidence that I won't be alone.

Right now, Stace and I are trying to devise a way to carry everything we need on the ride. Cell phone, money, credit card, ID, lip balm, all-important snacks, sunglasses, gloves, rain shell, extra tubes, patch kit, CO2 cartridge, Allen key. How can they ALL possibly fit into a saddle bag and little pouch? Currently, the answer is, "THEY CAN'T." We hope to be singing a different tune by tomorrow morning.

So for all you faithful readers, thanks again for making this possible. If you want to receive little text messages from me and/or Stace at the checkpoints, let us know! Hopefully, we'll make you all proud! And to the man that inspired this long and difficult journey: Daddy, a 200k bike ride is nothing compared to a three-year battle with brain cancer. When I'm struggling to make my way up that escarpment, I'll be thinking of how you fought until the end, and I'll try to do the same. And if you want to carry me some of the way, I won't complain :) Love you, dad.

Week #30 1/2 Roundup!

The team has now raised $14, 350! Congratulations teammates and sponsors! I never imagined that we would be able to exceed our fundraising minimum by such a large amount! It makes me feel really great about what we are doing, and everyone who has helped us out along the way should certainly feel that way too!

Thank you so much to the Yakimishyn family, Bignell family, and to my friend Ally Fulmer who have donated to me this week and helped me to surpass my goal of $3, 500.

My dad and I met the Yakimishyns many years ago through figure skating of course. Me and Jen would follow each other all over the city, traveling from rink to rink so we could skate together. Our parents would talk about our skating, and Jen and I would be off somewhere laughing our heads off. I'm not sure our coach appreciated all of our shenanagans, but oh wells. When we got into high school, I made the switch to skate at a rink closer to my home and I suppose we lost regular contact. That is, until we were reunited in the realm of Varsity figure skating!

We went skating together last week and it made me think about how and why I stopped skating. Did I really stop because I was too old or not good enough to compete? I don't really think so. I think my motives for skating run deeper than that. I admit, it became hard to justify registering for sessions and paying for coaching when I stopped competing, but did that mean I had to stop skating? Skate for Varsity, compete, then "thanks, see you next year"?

I've been looking for activities to do summer. Ballet, pilates, yoga, cycling...
My point is then, why have I not considered spending my own money, time, and energy on something that I already know I love doing? It seems silly! I have put so much of myself into trying to find new things to love, that I forgot about the things that I already love.

My dad always used to organize all things skating-related for me. When he stopped doing that, I suppose I just never really took control of that aspect of my life. That said, going back onto the ice by choice last week (not out of obligation) reminded me of that. If I want to do something that badly, I need to make it happen. Afterall, I am making this ride happen. I am making pilates happen. I am making work happen. I am making a lot of things happen. And yet, I never even bothered to try making skating happen. Well, it's time (again). Hello initiative, nice to have you back.

I went skating again today. It's weird to go to practice without having my dad there to watch. I mean, I am used to it at Varsity, but when I'm out there on my own...it brings back memories. I don't think I feel sad as I'm out there, rather, I feel like it's so easy to see him there, healthy, smiling and watching me skate. I feel like he is there. Though missing that might seem sad, remembering him like that, exactly how I knew him...now that is how I want to remember him.

Thanks also to the Bignells for their generous donation! They have already done so much for us (for example, paying for all of our concert posters). Also included, the donation of Alyssa's time - planning and executing our fundraisers, listening, checking up on us when we were a mess, and heck, going to fitness classes, and coming over for cake-eating and Glee. This in itself it very special, so thanks so much =)

Another thank you goes out to our friends and volunteers! Ally will be setting up camp at tent city and Gary and Ian will be loading luggage at the starting line! I'm thinking that finding us in a sea of 3,000 riders (who are all dressed the same) would be akin to Where's Waldo, so with that said, we'll be on the lookout! Also hoping to catch my friends, the Andrighetti family, Janis and Nicole at the cheering station in Mississauga!

Once again, thank you to everyone who has supported us (in any capacity). I can't possibly name you all, but you know who you are, and so do we! The ride is getting real close and I'm getting real excited! A weekend of survivors, riders, crew and volunteers who see eye to eye with you, have stories to share, and friends to meet. It will be very inspirational. I can only hope that I can handle all of the loving energy.

Week #30 Roundup

The ride is less than ONE WEEK AWAY. WHY OH WHY IS IT SO CRAPPY OUTSIDE? Stace and I are going to suck it up and endure the cold/rain and do a bit of a training ride in t-minus one hour. Hopefully the trails will be less busy and we can tear through them back and forth and back and forth and back and forth again. Suffice it to say, we've got to work on our endurance. I'm also hoping that I won't be chased by dogs on the loose (TRUE STORY) and miss hitting a deer by a few seconds (also a TRUE STORY) this time around.

As of right now, the Toronto Weather Network 14 day forecast has it sunny and hot on Saturday, and sunny with a bit of rain on Sunday. Also on Sunday: temperatures above 30 degrees Celsius. Help...

Week #29 Roundup

Less than two weeks to go and the team has raised $13 925.00! You know what would be great? If we could hit $14 000! You know what would be even better? If that money went to Stacey, who is trying to reach $3500. As I write this, the two of us are singing that song that goes, "moneymoneymoneymoney...mon-ayyyyyy!" I don't know the rest of the words.

The ride is quickly approaching and I am TERRIFIED. I got struck down with a bit of a cold/sore throat last week, but I still wanted to get in a good training ride this weekend. I got in 30k. That's it. And I huffed and puffed and sniffled my way through it. It was not fun, and I just thought to myself, "Dana, you are in TROUBLE." That said, I didn't fall, so I suppose that is one small victory. My goal for this week is to get in at least one ride at least 75k in length. I have no doubt that I will cross that finish line, but I'd rather it be painless as opposed to painful. I suppose that come ride weekend, I'll just have to remind myself that it isn't a race and that I can actually cycle at a leisurely pace. I'll have my whole life to cycle furiously and tear down those roads, but this is probably the only time that I'm going to be doing something really amazing with tons of people cheering me on.

In the meantime, I am obsessively checking the 14-day forecast on The Weather Network. So far we're in the clear for rain, and temperatures don't look ridiculously high. EVERYONE, KEEP YOUR FINGERS CROSSED. DADDY, KEEP THOSE SKIES CLEAR AND HUMIDITY AT A MINIMUM. Okay? Okay!

Lastly, Stace and I received our ride jerseys in the mail, and we're looking forward to putting them on and wearing them with pride. All for you, daddy!

It's Time...

Today I did not wake up sore and cranky. Body parts were not hurting nor crying. However, as I later discovered whilst biking to the bike shop for a tune up without the padded shorts, my bottom is pretty tender (thumbs down).

About a week and a half ago, I shut my computer and declared (in the most dramatic and serious voice ever), "It's time". Time to get serious about fitness and get seriously fit. I bought a two week unlimited pass to a pilates and yoga studio. I bought a yoga mat. I bought a yoga bag. I bought work out clothes. I bought a heck of a lot of things and was NOT happy when I saw my Mastercard bill last week. Oh well. This is the price of fitness.

It all started last, last Friday: fusion yoga and pilates class. On Saturday, six hours teaching skating. On Monday, a mat/reformer class. On Tuesday, I convinced Dana and Alyssa to come to a fusion class. On Thursday, Dana bought a pass too and we went to cardio pilates. On Friday, a reformer session. On Saturday, a pilates mat class. On Sunday, a three and a half hour training session (we can now clip in with many thanks to Petre) and yesterday, a 10km ride in the hot afternoon sun with dad's pal Gary and his son Ian. Yes, I fell on Sunday when I was standing still (I know, ha, ha, ha), and yes, Dana was a big baby and afraid to bike on the road (ha, ha, ha). But hey, we survived! Sure I may have a few hand blisters and bruises from the fall and chain-coming-off-bike incident, but I'll be just fine.

I feel the need to add that Wallace had a fun Sunday in the sun too! Him and Gary's dog Bower spent the day lounging in the backyard while Livia watched them, patiently waiting to attack us with love upon our return. When we came back from our ride, we enjoyed some dessert and ice cream (Wallace had some licks of ice cream too). Overall a very nice week and even better weekend!

Today I bought Dana and I some gloves (blisters no more!) and cleat covers for our bike shoes, and I bought myself another jersey and some sunglasses. Now, we are pretty much set to conquer this ride!. I'm going to be kicking myself later for spending money again but hey, these items were essential.

Also, my pilates try-us pass is expiring soon and I need to buy a membership! Ahhhh! More expenses!

I suppose that is the price of fitness.

Training Day - er, week

Today I woke up sore and cranky. My right arm hurts, my neck hurts, and I'm pretty sure my wrists and fingers are crying. This is the price of fitness. It all started last Sunday: one-hour endurance spin class. On Monday, a run. On Tuesday, a fusion class of yoga and pilates. On Wednesday, another run. On Thursday, an early morning spin class and an evening cardio pilates class. On Friday, a mat/reformer session. On Saturday, an early morning spin followed immediately by a pilates class. On Sunday, three and a half hours on a bike, learning how to clip in and out and puttering around Toronto. And yesterday? The most painful spin class ever followed by another small training ride in the hot afternoon sun. I swear, if I'm not ripped by the time of the ride, I'm going to be very pissed. I have a whole new appreciation for people who make health and fitness their careers - it is mentally and physically exhausting. Part of me just wants to spend every day on the couch eating All Dressed chips.

The training rides were extremely productive. With my friend Petre yelling at me and Stace to randomly come to stops, we both became increasingly confident about riding around clipped in our pedals. There was only one fall, and that's when Stace was standing at the side of the road. Whoosh! Down. Silly, Stace. While I was, again, a very big baby about starting to ride clipped in, the three of us eventually found ourselves riding along Queens Quay, coming to stops at every light amidst traffic. And then we maneuvered around cyclists, rollerbladers, runners, babies, and other obstacles along a nice path until we reached home. And you know what? There are some really nice things about Toronto, some nice sights and trails that I never would have seen had I not invested in this bike and ride.

Yesterday, one of dad's best friends, Gary, took Stace and I out riding on a trail in Brampton. We set off a little after 1 pm - probably the worst possible time to ride. Even before we went anywhere, sweat was pouring off my face while I was pumping up our tires (in my defence, there was a lot of resistance and my short hair feels like a fur hat in this heat). Anyhoo, we set off under the unforgiving sun, and we didn't get too far when I noticed my bike start to feel a little off. It turns out my back brake tightened up and was getting stuck, making it difficult for me to pedal along. Gary's son had to bike back to grab an Allen key and then with a couple of adjustments, we were back in business! A kilometre or two later, we started making our way up a small hill and boom! Stace's chain fell off. Miraculously, she managed to unclip both feet and stand up while her bike lay on the ground. Prostar, I say. I know I would've ended up on my side in shock.

Altogether, Stace and I feel like the ride is totally do-able. Now, it's just a matter of putting in some more kms before the 12th. I'd like to complete at least a couple of 60-80 km rides just so I know what to expect. By the end of June, Stace and I are going to be camel-coloured. After one weekend, in addition to my chevron-shaped scars on the back of my leg and blistered hands, I've got the weirdest-looking tan lines. Unfortunately, cycling shorts won't give you the tan that you dream of.

Week #28 Roundup

Yes, I know I skipped a week. Things got crazy and it's really only been this week that our totals have risen, so hopefully you can forgive me. On to the exciting news...

TEAM HENDY HAS REACHED OUR FUNDRAISING GOAL!!!

As of today, we have raised $13 735.00, and Matt has reached his fundraising minimum! All of us can officially ride come June 12th, although I'm sure that when we're huffing and puffing up the escarpment, we'll wish we couldn't. I can't say it enough: many thanks to everyone who has donated to this cause. And hey! If you haven't had a chance and would like to, we will gladly accept online donations right up to the day before the ride.

Last Friday, I finally heard back from OT grad schools, and I was very very successful in my applications :) I won't say too much more because I still have the difficult decision about choosing where to go. I will say that I got into McMaster, even though I starting tearing up in one of the interview stations (I was talking about dad at the time), so thanks dad! I know right now you're probably thinking, "Don't thank me! It's all your hard work that got you in!" When I found out, it was a bittersweet moment for me. I was simultaneously very excited about getting in and very sad that I couldn't share the moment with dad. I also wish dad was still around so that he could give me some advice on where to go. As Stace mentioned in her tribute to dad at his service, you could go over the same problem with dad 1709325098e98 times and he would always listen as if it were the first time you were telling him. And he would always ponder the situation at length and offer 385050940159210540296 views on the subject to help you out. What a guy, that daddy.

And on the training front? Well, that's been less successful. My friend attempted to take me biking last weekend, but I was poorly prepared for the weather and ended up turning blue. So no biking, but I did get to practice clipping in and out of my pedals. Stace and I have also starting going to pilates classes. I find that with all my spinning, my upper body feels rather compressed. Pilates is a good way to open me back up again while still working on my strength. That said, Stace and I are going to bike for real this weekend (thanks Petre! thanks Gary!). With a beautiful long weekend ahead of us, I hope you do the same!

P.S. Amelia, your e-mail is in the works, I promise. Thanks for always reading :)

A Look at Brain Tumors

When I woke up on Monday morning, I turned on the TV to take a look at the weather and instead found out that Canada AM was taking a week-long, in-depth look at brain tumors. If you're interested in watching the videos, you can find them on this website here:

http://www.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/story/CTVNews/20100507/canada-am-brain-tumour-special-100507/20100507?hub=CanadaAMV2

In part 4, they focus on research, causes, and the future. Interestingly, dad's oncologist, Dr. Mason makes an appearance in the interview and pretty much says that a cure is a long way away. All the more reason to donate to the cause. Part 1 is particularly moving, as they focus on a family's struggle to deal with brain cancer. I want to give the little boy a great big hug.

Week #26 Roundup

The team is now over the $12 000 mark ($12 005.00, to be exact)! This does not yet include the concert money, so I suppose that technically, we have raised over thirteen thousand dollars!

Happy mother's day to all you moms out there. I remember every year, dad would rush to find a card and a gift of sorts (pajamas, usually). After he got sick, he couldn't drive, so it would be up to me and Stace to grab something for him. I never realized how frustrating that must have been, to depend on other people for such simple things like buying a present.

I keep hearing of sad cancer stories as of late. And it's funny, because I should know what to say or do, right? Yet, here I am, and I have no idea what's healthy and what's not, and what makes things better or worse. And I definitely can't tell people that it gets easier, because it doesn't. I almost think that is the hardest part. I think people expect those who experience loss to get back to normal after a while, to want to go out and have fun. And because I don't have the stress of school right now, shouldn't I want those things, too? Sadly, that's not really the case. I was talking to someone about it a while ago, and I don't think dealing with dad's passing gets easier - you just get used to living with that kind of sadness.

Right now, I've been enjoying spending time at home and giving Wallace some extra play and training. Without dad around, his whole routine has been flipped on its side. Now that dad's not around to hang out with him, he's lacking stimulation and enrichment. All he's been doing these past couple months is lie down by himself. But now that I think about it, isn't it the same for us? I know that I'm certainly missing out on having dad around, too. Does that mean I have to be retrained? Habituated? Desensitized? Psychology degree, you are useless in this situation.

I'll briefly turn to English.

My favourite university lecturer told me once that when writing a thesis, you should always ask yourself, "So what? Why is this important?" When I think about cancer, it's really easy for me to wonder why some people die and others live, why some people live much longer than others, and why a cure hasn't been discovered yet. And inevitably I wonder, "So what? What's the point of it all then?" Instead of being cynical, maybe I should be concentrating on that second part of the equation: why is this important? If I were a thesis, what would I have to offer in the grand scheme of things? What I have come up with is this: perhaps the point is to be as good as a person as dad: to be kind, smart, funny, generous, and a million other positive attributes, and hopefully inspire others to be the same.

Thoughts on Friday, April 30th

It was a lovely, sunny, warm and breezy evening - perfect conditions for an outside training ride (or so Dana and I thought)! After arriving back at the condo, we enjoyed a tasty dinner of BBQ pork skewers and rice. Giving Wallace plenty of departing love, we set forth to embark on what we could only foresee to be an evening of cycling success!

Wrong.

My troubles began early in the afternoon, when I decided to reorganize and redecorate my room. Armed with potent spray adhesive, clear finishing gloss, plastic containers, tissue paper and a map of paris, I set forth to spruce up my room, unaware of just how much this simple decision would affect the rest of my day.

Arriving back at the condo, I was coated in spray adhesive. It was all over my hands. Whatevs, no big deal. This happened to me before...a couple of days (weeks) and the stuff would eventually work its way off and I would stop sticking to everything I touched (and note, I truly mean everything! Bathroom + sticky hands = oh gosh).

Anyways, we decided that we would forego clipping into the pedals, namely because we were both terrified. Yes, I fell off my bike last time, har, har, har. I was doing so well until Dana said "ride around!" and I took that to mean "make a sharp turn immediately" instead of "ride around the block". Turns out (tee hee) there was a curb right in front of me so I opted to hurl myself to the ground instead of hitting it. Oh well.

This time we set off to the park. Cue obstacles: parents with strollers, loose children, and dogs playing in the centre of the trails. Ultimately, we decided to turn around because of the clouds of flying insects that a) made it impossible to see and b) kept flying into our noses and mouths. It was disgusting.

Also disgusting? My face evidently. At one point I asked Dana to pull over to check out my bike gears. It was only then that she notified me that I had BBQ sauce all over my face and that I had adhesive on my nose. Needless to say that we had to turn back IMMEDIATELY when I realized the potential for flying insects to adhere to my nose.

Getting back to the condo after a measly 25 minutes of biking, we told mom about our adventures with obstacles and adhesive. Though nothing could be done about our encounters with obstacles, mom suggested Goo Gone to remove the adhesive off of my hands and face. Mom knows best!

Twisting the cap off of the bottle I heard a snap. Goo Gone was pouring out of the bottle through a crack! Wallace was in the room! Nothing was on the floor, but still, I am a drama queen...

"HELP! EMERGENCY! HELP! HELP!"

"What?"

"COME HERE!"

Fast-forward to Mom squeezing Goo Gone at a rate of 1 mL/second into a new bottle, getting frustrated and cutting open the bottle with scissors, and me rapidly exhaling, trying to avoid breathing in the toxic fumes of Goo Gone while applying it to my nose.

Adventurous day? I sure think so.

Week #24 (and a half) Roundup

So much has happened this past week. I've been putting off the recap because we haven't received the pictures of the event from the photographer, and all of the money hasn't been donated online yet. Altogether, we raised around $1200 from our fundraiser! While the day of was ridiculously stressful for all those involved in the planning, I think everyone ended up having a good day, and we raised a lot of money in the process! I will post pics when they become available.

We also received $440 in donations as a birthday present to dad. I would have much rather had dad with us on his birthday, but I'm so touched that people honoured him in this way. We also had a lovely dinner with some of his friends and family. I think somewhere in our little party room, dad was poking around the prime rib and going back for seconds. And guess what, dad? I did drink a coke for you! For those not in on the joke, dad loved coke. His parents used to stock pop around the house so he wouldn't get into drinking, which worked out very well. Dad was never a drinker, but he did love to have a coke now and then. Now each time I think of him and his pop-drinking habits, I am reminded of the Frank O'Hara poem, "Having a Coke with You."

That morning, I had my McMaster interview. It was a lot more of a pleasant experience than I was expecting, and I definitely felt that everything our family went through helped me address some of the scenarios in the interview. Now all I can do is wait.

Now, just because:

Having a Coke with You

is even more fun than going to San Sebastian, Irún, Hendaye, Biarritz, Bayonne
or being sick to my stomach on the Travesera de Gracia in Barcelona
partly because in your orange shirt you look like a better happier St. Sebastian
partly because of my love for you, partly because of your love for yoghurt
partly because of the fluorescent orange tulips around the birches
partly because of the secrecy our smiles take on before people and statuary
it is hard to believe when I’m with you that there can be anything as still
as solemn as unpleasantly definitive as statuary when right in front of it
in the warm New York 4 o’clock light we are drifting back and forth
between each other like a tree breathing through its spectacles

and the portrait show seems to have no faces in it at all, just paint
you suddenly wonder why in the world anyone ever did them
I look
at you and I would rather look at you than all the portraits in the world
except possibly for the Polish Rider occasionally and anyway it’s in the Frick
which thank heavens you haven’t gone to yet so we can go together the first time
and the fact that you move so beautifully more or less takes care of Futurism
just as at home I never think of the Nude Descending a Staircase or
at a rehearsal a single drawing of Leonardo or Michelangelo that used to wow me
and what good does all the research of the Impressionists do them
when they never got the right person to stand near the tree when the sun sank
or for that matter Marino Marini when he didn’t pick the rider as carefully as the horse
it seems they were all cheated of some marvellous experience
which is not going to go wasted on me which is why I’m telling you about it

-Frank O'Hara

Happy Birthday Dad!

Happy 55th birthday Dad! I would add "wherever you are" to the end of that phrase, but I'm sure that you were here with us today for your birthday celebration, enjoying the presence and the collective gathering of some of your good friends.

I know that today, you were probably looking at us and remarking, "Lookin' good Ladies!", just like old times, and adding in a "You too Wallace".

I have to think back four months to remember when you were physically with us, six months since you were at home pacing around the condo, and four years since you were just your regular, healthy self. But you know what? Though cancer has denied us the opportunity to share more moments with you, it can't take away the many happy memories that we have of you in our hearts. I believe that you were here for a reason and that you were taken from us at this time for a reason (though presently, we may not understand why).

You are alive through each one of us, and have taught us all well. We look forward to celebrating your greatness and honouring your memory with friends and family again and again and again...

Lots of love,

The skater.

Dad's 35th birthday

This is dad on his birthday twenty (!) years ago. It's his birthday and yet I'm the one opening the presents and blowing out the candle. Figures.

Happy Birthday, Dad

Daddy, today you would have been 55. I hope wherever you are, there is delicious birthday cake and good company. Down here, we will be celebrating you with your friends and eating your favourite things (prime rib and mashed potatoes, among other foods). I'll even drink a coke just for you.

Love,

Your little buddy

Tonight's the Night

But not the Dexter kind of night, for anyone who picked up on that reference.

In case you haven't noticed, Stace and I have been hyping up our fundraiser concert at the El Mocambo, and it's finally here! If you don't have any plans tonight, I hope you seriously consider coming out and having a great time. Doors open at 8pm, and the first artist starts around 9pm.

As for me, it's not even nine and I've had two breakfasts, one Americano, one coffee, and one spin class. I am gearing up for a long and hectic day...

Hope to see you out there!

Week #23 Roundup

Happy $11, 195 Team Hendy!

Progress has been slow, but we are hoping to make up for that with this Thursday's fundraiser!

Again, here are the details on some of our lovely posters:

I've been off school for one week now, most of which has been spent sleeping and recovering from a nasty respiratory tract infection and sinusitis. I hadn't been feeling great for three weeks when Mom finally forced me to a doctor after several episodes including faceplants, excessive napping, final exam meltdowns, sneeze city, hacking coughs and lots of mucous (TMI, I know).

Now that I'm better, I can 1) engage in physical activity (and be able to breathe), 2) plaster the city with our lovely posters, and 3) go shopping!

Let's face it though, I am never too ill for shopping...

Specifically, with regards to number 3, I would really like to buy a ramp for Wallace. I am looking at something like this:

You see, W is too small to get "uppy" to some of his fave spots. These include:

Chair - for people and dog watching out the window

Couch - for cuddling and napping near family

I am hoping that ramp would give W some agency as the little guy still whimpers when he wants to "go uppy" or "wants down".

Oh boy!

Week #22 Roundup

The team has cracked the eleven thousand mark! Specifically, we have raised $11 070! Woo!!

In other fundraising news, our concert to conquer cancer is quickly approaching on April 22nd, and we finally have a lineup finalized and details (relatively) ironed out. Many many MANY thanks to Alyssa for all her hard work, especially when she already has a million other things on her plate.

Once again, here are the concert details:

• doors open @ 8 pm
• $10 at the door + canned food item, or $12 without
• all proceeds from the door go to Team Hendy's ride, while all the money raised from the bar will go toward the ElMo's Serving Charity

LINEUP:

• 9 pm : Alyson McNamara
• 9:30 pm : Gay
• 10:30 pm : BF Soul
• 11:30 pm : Foxfire

The bands have been nothing but wonderful in donating their time and efforts to help out our cause. So please, come out and check them out!

As I mentioned before, the concert falls two day before what would have been dad's 55th birthday. And in a strange turn of events, dad's birthday is the same day as my interview for McMaster, the university where dad completed his undergrad and MBA. I think dad is working some magic upstairs, and I'm definitely taking this as a good sign. I'd like to believe that he's still looking out for me and Stace, and this is just one message he's sending to me.

Week #21 Roundup: Dust yourself off and try again

There's this Aaliyah song that some of you 80s babies may remember called "Try Again." Dad used to call this the skating song because of its lyrics: If at first you don't succeed, you can dust it off and try again. This made a lot of sense for Stace, as the song was a big hit when she was first getting into skating, and dad would always sing it annoyingly in the car, repeating the same line over and over and over again. Now, it's the song that I have to repeat to myself, as I went on my first real training ride yesterday.

I drove out to Mississauga so that I could get riding on less busy roads with my cycling-enthusiast-friends, Craig and Claudia. Claudia had the difficult job of teaching me how to clip in and out of my bike. One of the reasons why I never liked skating was because I had this ridiculous fear of falling. In retrospect, I would prefer falling on the ice to crashing off my bike any day. So there I was, standing on Florence, left foot clipped in and ready to go, with Claudia hovering over me repeating, "Okay, go." I did not go. "Okayyyyyyyyy, gooooooo." No go. "You really have to go." I'M GOING TO FALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL. "You're not going to fall." OKAY. HERE I GO.

NO GO.

After about ten minutes of standing there, I finally pushed off and clipped in. I even clipped out and came to a nice stop. I repeated said process multiple times, not once meeting the ground. Hey ground! Nice to see you all the way down there! Wish I could hang out but I'm too busy clipping in and out like a pro! Needless to say, I was feeling prettyyyyyy pleased with myself.

Craig met up with us and we decided to set out on a nice 50K up to Milton and back. We were biking along and came to our first major intersection and first red light. I could feel myself getting nervous. There I was: one foot out. Slowing down. Trying to stop. I'm stopping I'm stopping! WAIT NO I'M NOT I'M FALLING OMG I'M FALLING. Luckily for me, I landed on a car and not the ground. I don't think the owner was too happy about that...

I'm told that everyone falls at some point. My problem was that I didn't get my butt off my saddle and started tipping. Claudia and Craig then let me pull over and practice starting and stopping in a school parking lot until I felt confident.

The rest of the ride moved along fairly well. My legs didn't tire at all, and it was nice to see all the quaint, quiet GTA roads that I've missed due to a.) having no need to drive that north and b.) being too immersed in city life. We even passed horses! Moreover, being such a beautiful day, there were lots of cyclists out on the road, and they are all so nice. Everyone waves or says hello. It reminded me of when I used to go on runs in Mississauga and everyone greeted you as you passed. This simply just doesn't happen in Toronto.

Reaching the tail-end of our ride, we approached the very same intersection of my first fall, and what do you know, I fell AGAIN. I must have started and stopped a dozen or so times on the ride and yet I reach this godforsaken intersection and it brings me down HARD. My poor handlebars got crushed in a bit, I lost an end cap, my seat shifted, and my back brake and tire got a little stuck. Due to the latter complications, I fell again when I tried to get back up, not realizing that everything was off-kilter. Luckily, Craig carries tools along with him and he was able to make some immediate adjustments to get poor Florence up and working again. With a scratched calf dripping blood into my new road shoes (SAD), a sore bum, and a very bruised ego, I walked my way up to a side road where the three of us stood for a good ten minutes while I contemplated what to do next. Do I walk the rest of the way, or do I try to clip back in and beat this beast? I knew that if I didn't get back on the bike, I would be too scared to try it the next time out, so I clipped in and pedaled onward.

All in all, the ride itself went extremely well, minus the falls. My legs felt strong, and I definitely think that all my spinning helped build a solid base of leg muscle. I want to get my bike checked out before I take her out again, but I am looking forward to my next ride. 60K, here I come! Moreover, now I have the battle scars (AND THE WORST SUNBURN) to prove that I'm a real athlete. I just wish I was a more graceful and coordinated one.

Study Study Study

So I had this dream a couple of days ago that involved a man telling me that he was writing his masters thesis solely upon my blog entries. NO JOKE! Evidently, the overwhelming nature of exam time has begun to infiltrate my dreams. Lovely, no? However, what is kind of pathetic is that even in my own dream, my first thought was not, "That is ridiculous!", but instead, "Oh no! But you have such limited material!"

It's true, I have not been a very good blogger...but just give me nine days! Nine days and this nightmare of a school year will all be over! If there is anything that I've learned in school this year, it is that school really has no mercy for people who are in desperate need of a mental break! At best, maybe you get a few extensions. Fast forward a few weeks though and (1) no, you still aren't ready to write any tests, (2) now everything in the universe is on your plate at once, and (3) you are officially behind in life.

That said, I now have an unbelievable amount of information to cram into my brain, and no time to do it. Also, mother nature hates me and wants to rub sun in my face when I need to study. What's a girl to do...

...walk Wallace.

Week #20 Roundup

This week the team raised $20.00, bringing the total up to $10 945.00. I always put off writing the weekly roundup in the hopes that miraculously and wonderfully, our total will surge higher higher higher and then I can say that we have raised something astronomical. And then I turn back the clock to November 7th when I first signed up for this ride and thought it would be a miracle to raise five hundred dollars. And then I look at our almost-eleven-grand. And then I think, "not bad." In fact, I think, "well done." Accordingly, I say "well done" to YOU, generous donors.

I have another total to speak of this week, but it's not so good. It's an amendment of the last blog's shoe total: two months, four pairs of shoes. On Thursday, I wanted to go to Montreal and so I booked the tickets. A little over 36 hours later, I was on a train. It felt nice to get away and abandon thinking and sadness, although there was a tad bit of sadness at missing Wallace come home fresh from the groomer. I relaxed, I read, I ate (I DIDN'T spin), and yes, I made a shopping itinerary. And when I saw these beautiful camel-coloured oxfords in my size, - LAST PAIR, no less - I couldn't help but think, yes, this is a sign - daddy wants me to own these. I have a feeling that I will use this line of thinking for the rest of my life. And why shouldn't I? Dads want their little girls to have everything they want. Even if they are only shoes.

Grief

I think I can speak confidently on behalf of me, Stace, and mom when I say that our grief is taking the form of a serious shopping addiction.

Two months, three pairs of shoes. Countless shirts. I have a whole new wardrobe. I don't think it's making me feel that much better (although, my oxfords are glorious). If anything, I feel great for two seconds before I remember that I'm becoming progressively poorer. And then I say screw it and go shopping again.

Dad was a very sensible shopper. I use "shopper" lightly. Really, he would only buy clothes when mom dragged him out and forced him. I wish I inherited this trait. Then again, his shoes were always awful-looking.

Week #19 Roundup

The team has raised $10 925.00! We are really not seeing any money come in at all, but with your help, lovely readers, we will raise a lot of money at our concert, all the while having a smashing good time :)

In other news, yesterday I received an acceptance from UVic for their Masters of English, and now I have the unfortunate task of actually making a decision about my life. Pros: one year, nice climate, beautiful school, my research interests (I have research interests???) seem like they fit really well with a number of their faculty. Cons: away from family, friends, and Wallace (admittedly, Wallace falls into the family category, but he's so special that he deserves a separate mention). I feel like so much has happened this year that I don't know if I'm ready to pack up and move across the country. Also, is it really bad that one of the first things I did was google if Victoria had any spinning studios?

I need help. Daddy? Can't you send me any signs? Come on! I'm sure you have lots of free time to fit in some divine intervention. No? Okay, you can get back to me.

Concert to Conquer Cancer!

After a couple of months of some serious planning, our second fundraising event is ready to be unveiled to the world: The Concert to Conquer Cancer!

The concert will be held at the El Mocambo at 464 Spadina Ave. on Thursday, April 22nd, 2010 - two days before what would have been my dad's 55th birthday. Doors will open at 8PM, and cover will be $10 with one item of canned food (or alternatively, $12 without a can of food).

The Elmo has generously waived all rental and deposit costs, and will allow us to retain all of the money collected for donation to Team Hendy's Ride to Conquer Cancer and the Princess Margaret Hospital Foundation. All canned goods collected from this event will be donated, and all money collected from the bar will go to Serving Charities. All in all, a concert for a cause!

Foxfire, BF Soul, and Gay will be performing, with other bands TBA.

To make this event a true success, first and foremost, we will need good company (that's where you all come in)! A lot of work has gone into the planning and organizing of this event (big shout out to Alyssa), so please come out, spread the word, and show your support for all of those who worked so hard to make this happen, and for all of us who are challenging ourselves to change the outcomes of cancer!

Week #18 Roundup

The team has raised $10 900.00! And an event poster/facegroup invitation for our cancer concert will follow soon.

On another note, why does it pour on the weekend (and why will it rain this weekend) when my dear Florence and I are reunited, yet sunny when we are apart? Not cool, Mother Nature, not cool.

Bad Day, Good Day

I volunteer at a rehab centre. It's something that I wanted to do before dad was placed in palliative care, and it's something that I started doing shortly after dad was placed in palliative care. Funnily enough, a volunteer spot opened up for me in their acquired brain injury unit. It's more evidence in favour of the feeling that things happen for a reason. I thought it would be difficult - to volunteer there with dad fresh in mind - but it's not. If anything, I enjoy it more. My supervisor told me that he's so impressed with how I'm holding it together. I said that I have bad days and good days. He said, "Then I guess I only see you on the good days." There are a lot of things that I don't understand and a lot of things that I have difficulty accepting, but I must say, dad sure found a way to give me direction. He brought me a little clarity about what I want to do in life.

That being said, today was a good day. It was one of those days where I walked to a wonderful coffee shop on my lunch (Manic), had a mind-blowing mocha, and jauntily made my way back to work (admittedly, I would have loved to have brought work outside). Sunglasses on, drink in hand, scarf thrown off and jacket unzipped, I had trouble finding music to listen to on my iPod. Nothing was cheerful enough to capture the spirit of the day. For once, it was enough to listen to Toronto and enjoy these little moments that make you think, "Things will be okay." Even if it is only for that little moment that you're in the sun.

The support group ended up being cancelled due to a lack of response, so instead, I went to my other support group: spin class with Alyssa.

Yeah, today was a good day.

Week #17 Roundup

Many thanks to everyone who came out to our Academy Awards fundraiser. I hope everyone had a good time, and it certainly seemed like everyone did. Plenty of food, trivia, prizes, and of course, the Oscars (may I add that I won the Oscar Pool?). All in all, we raised $200, which is not bad for a low-key night. Since we're still getting money in from people who did and did not attend the fundraiser, I'm going to hold off on a recap of how much the team has raised and save it for the weekend. Hopefully Stace will be able to post some pics soon, too.

Tomorrow, Mom and I are going to a support group held at the hospice for the recently bereaved. I have no idea what to expect. Will it be emotional? Depressing? Hopeful? A little bit of all of the above? I guess I'll find out soon enough.

Ey Da!

The other day ago I ate one of these peanut-buttery bad boys (naturally, alongside a coffee in true Henderson style). Anything with peanut butter was met with much enthusiasm from dad, but I know he particularly used to go nuts (pun intended) for these Laura Secord Crunchy Peanut Butter Eggs. It makes me smile when I see that mommy still buys these things that daddy really liked, even though he's no longer physically here to enjoy them. As usual, I couldn't eat the whole thing, so I wrapped up the other half for later snacking. When I later went to look for said half egg, it was gone! I'd like to think that dad went splitsies on this egg with me, but I suspect the chocolate monster stole it first (thanks, Dane).

Life without daddy is hard. I miss him a lot. However, I do manage to find my daily dose of dad in the little things in life. Whether it is coming home to Mom cooking a roast beef (one of dad's faves), Dane guzzling down Coke like there's no tomorrow, dad-style obnoxious wake-up calls (from Wallace), or finding these peanut butter eggs in the cupboard...dad makes me smile.

So dad, the other day ago I went to the Keg! Wish you could have come too, but hopefully they have prime rib wherever you are, I'm sure they do. Mom remarked that the ketchup lasts a lot longer now, but hey, the top stays clean (just teasing). Also, today I went hunting through all of those files you organized, trying to find my MRI write-up for my surgical consultation on Wednesday. I know I always made you look for these things cause I was a lazy bum...so you can imagine the trouble I had trying to find it! Mommy eventually found it in case you were wondering.

Everyone's been talking about Joannie's skate. For the record (and as a figure skater who understands the scoring system, as much as one is able to anyways), I don't think it was a sympathy bronze at all. She completely deserved it, step-out of the triple flip or not. I feel like I can really relate to her. I know heart attacks and brain cancer are very different, as is pushing through to skate in the Olympic as opposed to OUAs, but despite all of the differences, I feel like I know what she is going through. Her situation is not any easier or harder to deal with than my own - loss is loss and it always hurts. I really applaud her efforts to fight through the worst. I sent her a facebook message (not truly a creepy thing to do in this case, and hey! We have mutual friends). Through what she has been saying to the media, I have faith that she reads all of the messages she has been receiving.

That's all I have for now. I need to get back to my essay on sexism in the media.

Toodles!

Week #16 Roundup

New this week:

• the team has raised $10 530.00
• I followed an endurance spin with a one-hour massage (thanks, Sonia!). Massages>>>>>>>>>>>>yoga. I need them in my life on a regular basis.
• Joannie Rochette definitely made me cry. I want to give her many hugs. I'm sure Stace will touch on this at a later point.
• Academy Awards fundraiser next Sunday. If you want to come/want details, ask me.
• I really want to be an Olympian. 2018? Curling?
  

Life is like a basket of fruit?

At work, I get to interact with a lot of different people, some younger, some older. Today I was speaking with a woman whose husband is currently in a palliative care unit with cancer. She said that the head understands, that the head can accept losing loved ones, can recognize that we don't have forever, and when it's our time, it's our time. However, it's the heart that poses the problem. I always thought that was kind of funny - how we associate feelings with our heart even though all it does is pump blood. Theoretically, it has nothing to do with our emotions. And yet, where do you feel those pangs of sadness, grief, or conversely, excitement and joy? You feel it in your chest, don't you?

At one point, the woman told me that we're all like fruit: we start out undeveloped, we get ripe, and then one day we're beyond ripe and then that's it. I found this incredibly amusing. What a pleasant and interesting idea - much better than that box of chocolates concept. It got me thinking: what kind of fruit are we all? There's no question that dad was a tomato. While I jokingly made some comparisons between him and my stuffed tomato (Tommy) in my tribute, dad was truly alllllllllll tomato. He had the appearance of being firm, but he was a big softy on the inside. The perfect sidekick to any meal. In fact, dad loved tomatoes just as much as he loved chips, steak, and chocolate. Ketchup was his favourite condiment. He would put ketchup on everything, like...wait for it...rice (grossssssssssssss!). He would even add it to spaghetti sauce! We'd say, "Dad, it's already tomato sauce. Why do you need to add ketchup?" It was that simple, he just loved tomatoes. Perhaps here is the explanation for his affinity for Tommy.

And me? Am I a pineapple? Prickly on the outside, but sweet on the inside? Then again, I'm not very tropical. Would mom be a coconut with a tough outer shell? Is Stace a bunch of grapes? Extending everywhere and ready to burst at any moment and squirt you in the eye, annoyingly and obnoxiously? What are you? And more importantly, are we ripe yet?

Week #15 Roundup

The team has raised $10 430. 00, which means that we have gone our first week without raising any money. Sad. Please keep those donations coming!

Today I had to order more contacts and so I called my optician who, along with his business partner, have known me and my parents since I was a baby (I must have been the youngest one and half year-old to wear bifocals). Every time I talk to a doctor/optometrist/dentist/etc., they ask how I am and then, always, "How's your dad?" This exchange was no different. There are still so many people who probably don't know, and how could we have possibly told them all? You don't think of these things at the time. Telling people is the worst part because you relive it all over again.

I was glad to see snow this afternoon and evening. Large, fluffy snowflakes that settle into your hair. Snow makes Toronto slow down, and that's always nice.

Flo-rider

If someone told me that my first ride on Florence was going to be on a beautiful and sunny Sunday morning, I would not have been surprised. If they had said it was going to be on February 21st, I would have pointed my finger straight at their face and labeled them a liar. However, this was the case. The day looked too wonderful to pass up. It also made me wonder how anyone could deny the existence of global warming.

Opting to pass on testing out my road shoes, I was decked out in F-troupe boots, baggy lulu pants (with the right leg tucked into ridiculous knee-high thermal socks, no less), two sweaters, and a neon green windbreaker. What a sight I must have been. I kept the ride light and limited to about 50 min, but I do think all my spinning paid off: I was able to keep my shoulders down and relaxed, as well as tackle a couple of hills that I previously would have been inclined to walk up.

Most importantly, now, I get it. I totally get it. When I was a driver, I was guilty of statements such as, "Does that cyclist have to take up THAT much space on the road?" and "I don't drive on the sidewalk!" The sides of Toronto roads are in poor condition, and it's much easier and safer to ride a bit further out and make yourself visible. I can't wait until my next ride, but I do regret not picking up some thermal leggings that I was thumbing through at Racer Sportif yesterday. Cycling is right up there with a book you can't put down, a song that you always have to listen to from beginning to end, and a Wallace.

No-ga

As regular readers know, I am addicted to spinning. It borders on an obsession, really, as Stacey will affirm with a hefty amount of disgust. It has come to the point where no other kind of exercise will do. Treadmill? Dull. Swimming? Ruins my hair. Skating like little sis? HAHAHA. As a result, when super-duper friend and fundraiser Alyssa suggested trying out new types of exercise, I was game. We took to the computer for a little Internet research: boxing? Expensive. Kickboxing? Just as expensive. Pilates? Whoaaaaaaaaaaaa who can actually afford to do pilates? As a result, we settled on going to yoga together.

While my first yoga class was okay, I noticed a pain in my back for the rest of the week. Today, I gave it another shot after an endurance spin class. In theory, yoga + spinning sounds like the perfect combination - a chance to relax and stretch out those tense muscles and quieten the mind. After today, I am convinced that yoga is not for me. I do not doubt the benefits of it, but I'm willing to let go dreams of having a yoga body and improved flexibility. Holding tough poses, too much pressure on my palms, heavy breathing, chanting, and bare feet (bare feet gross me out) are not on my list of favourite things. Moreover, it is not recommended to practice yoga on a full stomach. This did not work out for me so well. I like to eat on the hour, every hour, and this class was an hour and a half in length. Right off the bat, you can see how problems might arise. Overall, I think I am better suited for intense cardiovascular activities with blaring music. Looks like I'll be sticking to my spinning, which is also quite mentally-consuming and spiritual in its own way. I truly believe that if I hadn't started spinning in November, I would have needed some serious therapy right now. Brain cancer is one of the most horrific things you could ever witness.

To close, can anyone recommend other fun activities to supplement my cycling training? 'Cause right now, yoga is a big no-go.

Happy birthday to me

Today I am 22. I feel both young and old and wonder how that can be. I also feel like that song that goes, "it's my party and I'll cry if I want to." Birthdays are rough when you can't spend them with the people that you would like to. I don't think dad would want me to be sad, but it's hard.

I will be seeing some special people who will brighten up my day, but I think at some point I will try to visit dad and cuddle with my pup. Sometimes cuddling with a pup is all you can do.

Week #14 Roundup

This entry will be a mishmash of things.

The team has raised $10 430.00! Woo!

We now have somewhat of a set lineup for our April 22nd fundraiser at the El Mocambo: BF Soul and FOXFIRE. DJ TBA. Doors open at 8pm. The cover is $10 and a canned food item. More details will come out when we have a poster put together.

Today we had a family Family Day potluck lunch. Family alerted us to the fact that fresh roses had been put on daddy's grave. We don't know who did it, but it is very nice all the same. Nevertheless, I still would like to know who did it and consequently, who to thank.

I miss watching Olympics with dad.

Tomorrow is my birthday. I opened a card from mom tonight and she noted (and I noticed) how the card is now signed "Love, Mom" instead of "Love, Mom and Dad." This makes me sad and I am not looking forward to my birthday.

Coffee continued

I've been traveling 'round the city looking for really great coffee. As Stace noted in a previous post, Dad was always game for a good cup of coffee. Heck, he was always game for a bad cup of coffee. He used to start drinking coffee, leave it sitting on the kitchen counter, and then return to it hours later without even bothering to heat it up. Gross.

Today I have been to two coffee bars and have consumed two Americanos. I am wired. I had such pleasant walks around the city, which reminded me of all the walks dad I used to go on. We'd take out Wallace and have a stroll through the park. Together with our feisty and furry friend, we'd tackle two evils: hills and humidity (dad ALWAYS wore too many layers in the summer, and we all know about my deep-seated aversion to heat). Still, even on hot summer days, I used to go on a run (without Wallace...as if I could ever get Wallace to run with me) and dad would enthusiastically tag along - me running a few hundred feet ahead and then doubling back to check on him. And there he would be, walk walk walkin' along at his slow and steady pace. And then we'd have a coffee. Maybe a Booster Juice.

While it would've been nice to show dad my favourite parts of Toronto and do endless coffee crawls, I realize that where he is, dad probably gets as much of that liquid gold as he wants. Andddddd he probably doesn't have to deal with windchill in the process. Dad: 1, Dana: 0.

Week #13 Roundup

I think my bike's name is Florence. The more I say it, the more it feels right. Stace named her bike Harold. Harold and Florence. Cute couple.

This week, the team is up to $10 130.00. Donations have slowed, but hey! Valentine's Day (the 14th) AND my birthday (the 16th) are coming up. If anyone wants to show their love for me or any other member of the team, I wholeheartedly encourage you to do so with a donation. Nothing says "I love you" or "Happy birthday" like a donation and a tax receipt. Think about it.

I think I need to find a new hobby - one that doesn't involve spending money. When dad was in the hospice, I didn't have a whole lot of extra time on my hands, and needless to say, I didn't have time to be overly social. Now I still don't feel like being social and so I spend a lot of time shopping, which has become my coping mechanism of choice. Actually, I think it's how the three of us feel better. I didn't realize it until recently, but one month after dad passed away, the three of us each went shopping for clothes, even though we had work/school/other things to do. I can't really figure out what I should be doing or what I want to be doing. I'm probably crazy for saying this, but I miss being in school. I miss having papers to write and books to read that I probably wouldn't have instinctively picked up. At the same time, I pick up a book now and my mind wanders. Where? I couldn't even tell you.

Friday was the 40th day of dad's passing. I don't know if it's a Filipino thing or a Catholic thing, but my mom's side had a get together to commemorate the 40th day. Apparently, a person's soul travels the earth for forty days and on the 40th day, they decide where they will go. As such, we went over to my grandparents' place with a bunch of other relatives and there were prayers and lots of food. I don't know about you, but I would like to think that when I go, I'm gone. None of this wandering soul business. Stace and I were talking about it - where we think dad is - and we hope that he's somewhere happy, in a place where we will see him again. Maybe in an ever-expanding space. Wallace could come, too. That's my idea of heaven.

(Belated) Week #12 Roundup

Team Hendy has cracked the $10 000 mark! At the start of this, I never thought we'd be able to raise that much money. Clearly, I underestimated the generosity of so many people. Still, the team has to raise another $2500 for Matt, so if you are still interested in donating to our Ride, please support him!

My bike!

I own a bike! There is officially nothing standing in the way of me doing this ride, except perhaps a car and the pavement I will hit if I have trouble clipping in/out of the pedals on the road (don't worry mommy, I will practice practice practice on grass!).

Anyone who knows me knows that I name everything. My car, my stuffed animals/produce, my laptop - they all have names. Now I have the difficult task of naming my beautiful, beautiful bicycle, pictured here:


As soon I as I saw my bike, I fell in love. So light, so sleek. And of course, I had to pick it up on the coldest day of the year. Where are you, warm weather? Moderately warm weather? I'll settle for that, too. I'm ready for spring and weekends spent cycling for hours.

Since me and the trusty bike will be spending lots of time together, it's only fitting that he/she/it has a suitable name. If anyone is still reading this blog, I would like some feedback. The three finalists are:

1. Henry: No particular reason for this name, I just like it. I like it even more because my bike has a bit of pink on it, and thus Henry wouldn't have to conform to gender stereotypes.
2. Florence: I've been listening to a lot of Florence + the Machine lately and something about her soaring vocals really translate well to this whole journey.
3. Sophia Loren: the bike looks like she could be a glamorous Italian diva, although I'm pretty sure that no part of her was actually built in Italy. My only case against this is that is about three syllables too long for me to reliably use.

Next up: padded shorts - a gal's best friend!

Dad, age 2

An elderly couple who we had never seen before came to dad's viewing. Turns out, the woman was Evelyn's (in photo, dad's mom) best friend who had lost contact with her after granny and grandaddy moved back to Brantford. Letters were returned, no forwarding addresses in those times. They never regained contact, as granny passed away in the early '90s of breast cancer.

Dad's parents were the first to welcome this couple to Toronto - newcomers to Canada from Hungary. This is not new news: every story I have heard about my grandparents point to the fact that they were the nicest, friendliest of people. Dad took after them well.

The couple looked to be in their late eighties, and they are at a point in their lives where they have taken to reading the obituraries section of the newspaper. Lo and behold, on December 30th, the woman pointed to dad's death notice and exclaimed, "I've found Evelyn!" She also found this picture of dad and his mother. This is one picture to treasure always. Dad looked exactly like his mom. And look! I have their nose.

At the sight of dad in his casket, the old man broke down into tears. Imagine seeing the son of your best friends pass away too soon, seeing a boy you used to babysit. It was truly heartbreaking. Still, I believe that this is one of dad's first miracles: giving this couple answers to what became of their friends, and allowing them to say goodbye to the whole family. I look forward to many more miracles.

Tonight I was rifling through dad's folders on the computer. Under 'Pictures' I found four photos of Wallace as a puppy. Under 'Documents' I found various Rotary club files and one called "Living with Lymphoma." It is a four page account of what he has been through. Lists and lists of tests, scores of medications. It was a real reminder that dad didn't suffer for just two months - he's been suffering for years. It's really amazing how much positivity he brought to each day despite all his troubles. I wish I could've told him how brave he was.

Week #11 Roundup

This one is short and sweet: helllloooooo $9755.00! This week has seen Andrew surpass the minimum fundraising goal of $2500, and we thank everyone who contributed. If anyone would still like to donate, look to the right to our links. We will gladly accept!

Save the date (and drop dead weight)!

It's official: our charity concert in Dad's memory will be Thursday April 22 2010 at the El Mocambo. Lineup TBA, as well as other event-related details, which have yet to be finalized. The team's hope is that everyone will be done with exams and be ready to celebrate while also contributing to a great cause.

After my usual 8am spinning class, I had my locks chopped off - a move I've wanted to do for a long time but never had the courage to actually go through with, especially because of all you short-hair-naysayers! Luckily for me, Scott at The Cabinet Salon gave me exactly what I wanted: a very short, textured crop. This may sound a little Felicity-esque (am I dated for referencing Felicity?), but with everything that's happened lately, even hair feels heavy. I needed to let it go. What's more, I needed a change and sure, starting with hair may seem trivial, but that's exactly what it is: a start. From now on, I'm going to make a concentrated effort to do things that are good for me and make me happy. Life is too short to lament over the things that could have been. Dad was always super supportive, and I know he's standing alongside me on my journey: one baby step at a time.

Fun dad fact of the day

I have a hard time remembering what dad looked like before he was sick. I have a hard time remembering dad outside of his palliative days period. While washing the dishes just now, I recalled how cancer left him a skeleton of his former self. He was really reduced to nothing. Even so, cancer can't take away this fun daddy fact from my memories: dad had the prettiest blue eyes. On the other hand, dad also had the worst eyes. He was so blind without his glasses that he still had to wear them in the shower. In the hospice, his glasses were often at his bedside, and there I'd have it: an unobstructed view directly into those pale blue eyes. Like a sunny spring day's sky. No clouds, no thick smog, just right.

Week #10 Roundup

As of today, the team has raised $7180.00, with Andrew seeing a surge in donations to put him 35% of the way towards his fundraising goal! If you visit our team page, you will notice that we are 74% done. However, please take note that though Stace and I have already exceeded our fundraising minimums, the team percentage is not reflective of this. Consequently, the team is probably somewhere around 65% done. Keep this in mind and keep the donations coming to Matt and Andrew!

Yesterday, me, Matt, and our friend Alyssa (event coordinator extraordinaire) had a meeting with the El Mocombo to talk about a charity concert. The date is unconfirmed, but I will say that everyone should keep their Thursdays in April clear. Coincidentally, Dad's birthday is April 24th. It's funny how things work out. I think he's really looking out for all of us and will make sure this event is a success.

Having such a mild weekend, Wallace and I took advantage of the weather and walked to visit dad at the cemetery yesterday. Wallace started climbing up the mound of dirt covering his grave and it reminded me of all the times Wallace would climb up on dad's head to lick him all over his nose, eyes, and ears (wet Wallies). After telling Wallace to stop poking around, I told dad about the latest news and how everyone misses him. I could hear all of his responses inside my head.

Picture This (Part II)

A few more unfortunate shots...

Hopefully you find these pictures as funny as we do. In my dad's defense, it was a very sunny day, and most likely, it would be difficult for anyone to see the camera display screen. I have to hand it to him though, when he was ready to press the shutter button, he was ready (even if we were not)! Note the unimpressed expressions resulting from a combination of "Not another picture", "We're not ready!", "It's too hot!", and "Man, that ceremony was so long and boring" (Sorry Dane).

Teasing aside, although he had a difficult time figuring out how to work new technology (but don't we all), and although his illness may have provided him with an additional challenge in completing what many would consider to be a simple task, he never gave up his willingness to learn. I can still remember him saying "No, let me try again! I'll get it! I can do it". He was positive, in more ways than one. And you know what? Eventually he did.

Love you Dad!